​I served in the Vanderbilt Postdoctoral Association (VPA) as Treasurer in 2016-17 and Junior Co-Chair (Vice President) in 2017-18. When I decided to volunteer in my first leadership role, I didn’t really consider myself leadership material. I am pretty quiet and reserved but realized this group was doing important work including building a community of support for postdocs and linking them to resources on campus. 

Working with the VPA, I met a lot of awesome people doing amazing things, including some postdocs whom I would never had interacted with if I stayed in the lab or only attended departmental events. The VPA senior co-president when I started attending association meetings is now a data scientist and the senior co-president I served with in 2016-17 received a prestigious AAAS Science & Technology Policy Fellowship. The 2018-19 VPA senior co-president, who I interacted with frequently in Fall 2018 as I assisted with our Association website design, now works at Regeneron Pharmaceuticals. Other leaders who worked with me in the VPA over the years have taken positions in medical writing at AbbVie (a pharmaceutical company), an assistant professor position at the University of Florida, and directing NIH BEST consortium activities. 

There are so many organizations to get involved with
Like communicating science? Why not volunteer at the NC Museum of National Sciences in downtown Raleigh? Interested in a career in medical writing? The American Association of Medical Writers has a local chapter based here in the Research Triangle. Other local organizations to get involved with (that I am aware of) include the International Society for Pharmaceutical Engineering with both an NC State and Carolina-South Atlantic Chapter, North Carolina Regulatory Affairs Forum, entrepreneurship programs, and a host of exchange groups in a variety of life science areas. 
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Volunteer in your community to hone your skills, meet others, and give back​

You may discover you can build a fulfilling career out of the skills and experiences you exercise outside the lab, combining them with your other strengths to do something you are both good at and enjoy. ​
By venturing outside your school/work, you will also meet a more diverse group of professionals and start to learn about the many career opportunities out there in the world. 

Take on work that is outside your job duties to build new skills & establish more connections
Just a few months into my role in Postdoc Affairs at NC State University, I sought out opportunities to serve on various committees in professional organizations relevant to my career: the National Postdoctoral Association (NPA) and Graduate Career Consortium. Working on committees tasked with resource development, education research/outcomes assessment, and bench-marking of career development professionals has allowed me to greatly expand my network and learn more about exciting developments in these areas. I am also part of the early conversations around how we will communicate new resources, work, and findings to our membership. This helps me stay informed on new initiatives and advances in the field...something I find immensely valuable.

We are entering the month of November and that means Thanksgiving is only a few weeks away.

All too often, however, we aren't thankful enough for what we have. Instead, we can easily become consumed by what we don't have as we compare our life situations to others.

​In the end, we need to work to define what life circumstances will truly make us happy, pursue those things, and ignore what others say should make us happy.  

Envy & the perils of human competition & comparison
The truth is, it is very difficult for human beings to not envy one another...it is as old as the Biblical story of Cain & Abel, among others. 

This brings up the philosophical debate: are humans by nature competitive or cooperative? Obviously, we are capable of both types of behavior. Certain societal and institutional settings, though, can amplify one or the other.

This fact has led many young people to be focused on living the "perfect life" and when they inevitably don't reach that lofty goal, their mental health can suffer.
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Finding happiness
We all want to have happy, fulfilling lives but struggle to know what that looks like for us. 
Everyone has different values and needs when it comes to what they classify as a "good" life. 

So, allowing others to define what you should find meaningful in life is very problematic. It is incredibly common, though. We all have parents we want to please or life plans we think we should follow but that is a recipe to live a life that lacks personal fulfillment. The idea that smart, dedicated people need to aspire toward some high-paying, prestigious job is common among parents who want their children to "succeed". But that job as a doctor, lawyer, or consultant might not be what the child really wants. 

There is so much more to life and happiness than money or a prestigious position. But what are those other things? The answer to that is incredibly personal. ​
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The importance of self reflection & awareness 
One huge obstacle in allowing individuals to find meaning in their lives is that we often fail to take the time to think deeply about what we want out of our life. While this seems like a basic place to start, our fast-paced, modern world doesn't leave much time for self reflection unless one makes a concerted effort to do it. In fact, psychologist Tasha Eurich's research suggests ~10-15% of people are self-aware.

Self-reflect & begin designing the life you want
Exercises to increase your self-awareness. 
Designing Your Career online course from Stanford University (free).
More life design resources from Stanford. 

A matter of perspective
The perspective we take to our "success" is the most critical component to our happiness. We can count our blessings or ruminate on our deficiencies. The former, positive thinking is infinitely better for your mental and physical health. 

Take me, for example, at age 33 I could focus on the fact that I don't make a six figure salary, that I have yet to find a significant other, and that I don't have kids, though I want to someday.
Or, I could focus on the fact that I am in very good health, have loving parents and two sisters who I get to see on a regular basis, have the flexibility in my work to take time for family, friends, and my own well being, and make enough to live pretty comfortably. On top of all that, I am doing work that I think is having a positive impact on the world, helping support others in their career & professional development.

​All in all, I am doing alright.   

In closing, try to take stock of what you value in your life. Is it money? Prestige? A flexible work/life balance? Autonomy in your work? Plenty of free time to spend with family and friends?
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Once you know your values, pursue them and don't let the opinions of others derail you on your path to your own personal fulfillment. 

When you set your own metric of success and work hard to obtain it, you can find your own happiness. And that is something to truly be thankful for.  

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl

Growing up, especially in middle and high school, I was not the most social person. I was (and still am) quite introspective...OK spending lots of time with myself and my thoughts. Interacting with people, especially during those awkward teenage years, seemed wrought with uncertainty and peril including the possibility of rejection, judgement, hostility, and pressure to conform. Human beings are complicated and unpredictable...do I really need them in my life?

Loneliness

I was pretty much a loner. A LONER...a kind of dirty word in the gregarious 21st Century, social-media driven society we currently live in. I am OK admitting it, though, as I don't see it as a completely negative thing. Sometimes you need to be alone with your thoughts to understand who you are and what you want out of life.
I was/am not alone in feeling alone. Data suggests many people (especially adolescents) feel alone and social media may make the situation worse. Loneliness is associated with increased mortality (see also) and the problem is getting worse with over 50% of Americans in one survey reporting they have no one outside their immediate family to discuss important matters with. But, we really need human connection, including people to confide in and advise us as we make important decisions in our lives. These people could be members of your family but it helps to have a deep professional network as well.

The Solitary Nature of Graduate & Postdoc Work
Pursuing a graduate degree, you can very much focus on yourself and your work - your task is to do a lot of thinking, analysis, and writing. These are often solo tasks and it is easy to think that your productivity and success are self-driven.

I would argue this sense of focus and unwillingness to seek outside support ramps up as a postdoc. As a postdoc, there is no longer a thesis/dissertation committee to naturally serve as a board of advisors. Postdocs should definitely work to expand their mentoring network beyond their primary research advisor. You should really form a "board of directors" for you consisting of people (ideally from a variety of backgrounds) whose opinions and advice you trust. These individuals can help you expand your horizons - encouraging you to think about the skills and experiences you should pursue as you work toward the next step in your career. They can also help you expand your network, often a critical component to securing your next job. 

The reason this type of "networking" is often so difficult is because students and postdocs don't start networking in earnest until they need a job. Their desperation ramps up the stress/anxiety for the subsequent interactions.
It is impossible to deny, though, that networks are often crucial to securing employment...see links at the end of this article on the "hidden job market."
This realization comes down to the fact that trust is a key component in the hiring process. If a perspective employee comes recommended by someone a potential employer trusts, we give that person an edge in the hiring process. It is human nature.

So, while interacting with people you don't know can feel awkward and comes with much uncertainty leading up to it...what to say to break the ice, how to fill the awkward silence that sometimes arises, etc..., it is crucially important to build genuine human connections. And not just for selfish reasons. We are social creatures and our mental and physical health is closely tied to interacting with others. Being with others makes us feel good. Furthermore, you never know what can come out of such in-person interactions.
A "stranger" is someone you just haven't connected with yet.

Small Actions, Big Impact

Recently, I attended the 2019 Graduate Career Consortium annual meeting. The GCC is a group of individuals who work with graduate students and postdoctoral researchers to help them build the skills they need to secure meaningful employment. They are a super generous and supportive group and I heard only good things about them from colleagues at Vanderbilt and UNC.
The GCC conference was filled with many opportunities to interact with attendees outside the usual sessions and meals including morning walking groups and impromptu dinners together. It would have been mentally/emotionally easier for me to choose not to attend these various extracurricular networking events. I had a long day, spent hours interacting with others during the formal conference events, and had work I needed to do.
I am glad I took the time to take part in these events, though.

The next day, during a pre-conference event, all in attendance lined up by the number of years they had been working in graduate career/professional development and this young man was at the far end (year 0). After he mentioned to the group he was finishing up Grad School, I felt compelled to tell the room that he was looking for a job. I don't think this guy would have done that publicly but know he appreciated the gesture (he thanked me later that day). At dinner the night before he mentioned he was applying for a position at Duke and I know one of the people he was going to meet with at the conference. I made sure to put in a good word for him. Who knows what will come of my actions but helping this young man out felt good. I think this is what most senior individuals at organizations feel when you interact with them - if they see your potential and passion, they are willing to help you out and get personal satisfaction from doing so.

Helping Others Helps Us

Most people want to help others, especially others they know to be deserving. However, it takes knowing someone on a more intimate level than what they do, where they work, etc... (gleaned from small talk) to really understand their personality, their wants/needs, and the value they can bring to an organization. So, I urge the postdocs and graduate students I interact with (and it's good advice for everyone) to build strong connections, ask for help and advice, and go beyond their comfort zone. The little actions you take can add up to big effects on your life.

I am personally going to try to meet more people, build my own personal board of directors, and develop deeper connections with others who share my personal and professional interests. I encourage you to do what you need to expand your network and interact with others: volunteer, attend (graduate or postdoctoral) association events at your institution, take advantage of networking opportunities in your community or at professional conferences, or just talk to a stranger. These actions will make you feel more connected to the world, increase your mental health, and could deeply impact your life.
While such "everyday" interactions may seem trivial and tangential in the near term, they could have a lasting effect on you, long term. You certainly won't know until you try.